fOuR | aCtIoN

[miraculls]

[Action; inside 1338 Benny]

[Some people deal with teenage drama and fights with their best friends by drowning their sorrows in ice cream and shitty movies. Gamzee, on the other hand, drowns his sorrows in pies. Unfortunately, the human pies don't work half as well as his sopor ones do when it comes to making him feel better, plus his stomach starts hurting after he downs a whole tin for some reason. This hasn't stopped him from baking dozens and dozens of them, though.

Anyone who comes into the kitchen of 1338 Benny will find Gamzee covered head to toe in flour, as well as what looks to be a minor explosion of various ingredients all over the countertops, including several that have no business being anywhere near a pie. The table, meanwhile, is stacked with piping hot pies. If this were one of Karkat's paleromcoms, this would be the incredibly pathetic scene where Gamzee starts wailing the lyrics to "All By Myself (Don't Wanna Be Culled Anymore)" at the top of his lungs.]

[Action; outside 1338 Benny]

[Having been scolded by both drone parents because 'boys shouldn't be doing girly activities like baking', Gamzee has relocated his table of pies outdoors and is currently munching on a slice. Taped across the table is a large sign that reads:



Gamzee looks kind of lonely, come share a slice with him? There's three different types of pies to choose from:

1) Regular pies: through the power of miracles, Gamzee has actually managed to bake pies that most people would be familiar with, like apple and banana cream and cherry.

2) Stoner pies: the ingredients in these are kind of weird! You might get a strange but nonetheless delicious one, like peanut butter chocolate potato chips pie, or a pie filled with ice cream and soda. On the other hand, you might also get one with hamburger meat and strawberry syrup.

3) Pot pies: they look like normal pies, but Gamzee's added a special ingredient that the greasers at the high school said would make miracles happen. He's not sure how a bag full of what looks like grass is supposed to accomplish this, but humans can be pretty weird sometimes! Don't worry, there isn't enough pot in these pies to get anyone sick, just high.]

Comments

[encored]

[of course, a clown just offered him pie made by bees that he could have sneezed on, what is there to be paranoid about!]

Am I to assume I fall under the starmonkey category? [gingerly takes the smallest of small bites and ...oh, it actually tastes like a decent, normal and not sneeze-infested apple pie miracles are real]

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

[all you need to do is believe]

Yeah, I think? You got the pink skin and the white lookstubs and no horns, so you look real starmonkey to me.

[encored]

[he believes no okay he's actually still eating it very slowly and carefully like he's afraid he might run across something horrific at any moment, but at least he's eating it] Is that your bizarre way of referring to humans? Your vocabulary is quite strange.

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

Haha, really? I think all the starmonkey -- uhh, I mean human words can get real confusing as fuck. Like 'bowlorama'. Me and Terezi up and checked, but there weren't no motherfuckin' bowls there.

[encored]

[oh he knows Terezi, suddenly everything makes sense...]

If you're referring to the false event advertised at the alley, it doesn't involve the dishware. The sport itself is called bowling because you're using a ball to bowl pins over.

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

[the blankest of stares]

...I don't get it, sooooorry.

[encored]

[wh... wow Gamzee] What about that was difficult to understand? It's a human sport. There are no food bowls involved. Am I speaking slowly enough for this to sink in? [>take free food, insult the person who gave it to you]

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

[it's okay, he's used to being treated like this, it just means they're good enough friends to be honest with each other right...]

Ohhhh, so it's a game? Do you use the clubs and balls to subjugglate the other players after you bowl them over? [troll games are very exciting okay]

[encored]

[yes that is exactly it, brutal honesty at its finest...]

I would enjoy the game better if that happened to be the case. I'm not one for such a sport but far as I can tell, you're awarded points for every pin, drone and light you hit. The higher your score, the better. [no Charles no, Vietnam was just humoring you....]

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

I think I must have motherfuckin' won then, because I hit a lot of those motherfuckin' clubs. Even all up and fell into a pit full of them, haha. [yes he...slipped and actually managed to fall through the hole at the end of the lane, obviously this means his score is the highest]

[encored]

[he is kind of regretting accepting free food from a person this dumb now...] I'm not certain it counts unless you hit them with the bowling ball, but for such a spectacular display of idiocy I'd be willing to add a good number of points to your total. You do realise that the intention of the line at the beginning of the lane is to keep people from going past it, correct?

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

What line?

[encored]

...The big, bright, terribly difficult to miss white line that divides the lane itself from the rest of the alley.

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, really? Whoooops, must not have seen it. I ain't ever done starmonkey sports before.

[encored]

But you must have crossed it if you wound up behind the restacking machine. How could you have missed it? [peering at a few other pie tins while he talks....]

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

I don't know, I space out sometimes while getting my appreciate on about the beautiful miracles in life. Shit falls out my thinkpan all the motherfuckin' time. [notices the interest and nudges the pies closer to him]

[encored]

[cautiously prods at one that looks like it might contain some type of fruit] Shouldn't you find that alarming rather than normal? You look far too young for such severe memory loss unless you were dropped headfirst on rocks multiple times as an infant.

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

[eat it Charles do it] Not really? If it's how the mirthful messiahs done made me, then I shouldn't have the gumption to up and question it. Besides, I don't need a good memory to be striking up friendships or getting my appreciate on about the beautiful miracles in life.

[encored]

You know, people like you shouldn't exist outside of novels with disgustingly sentimental protagonists, but I suppose it's fortunate for me since I am now able to pose the question: exactly how does one as blindly optimistic and dense as yourself manage to survive? [takes a bite! immediately regrets it!! are those malted milk balls....

...actually, it doesn't taste too bad]

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

Easy, bro. Through motherfuckin' miracles.

And I got a bunch of real great friends what all look out for a brother when they gotta, haha.

[encored]

I would argue against that, but clearly a miracle is the only thing keeping you alive at this point, especially if all of your friends are like yourself or Terezi. [an entire race of Gamzees and Terezis is actually kind of frightening to imagine......

points to the pie tin he'd taken his current slice from.] ...It isn't bad.

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, exactly! Always real glad to be meeting another believer, bro. And naaaaaw, all my friends be real unique and special up in their hearts and shit, ain't one who's like another.

[beams!] Thanks!

[encored]

[wow he doesn't have the heart or patience to point out all the sarcasm that just flew over his head....] I'm certain they're all wonderful and definitely don't spend their free time devouring notebooks.

At any rate, thank you. Your culinary skills could use some polishing, but at least these were immobile and didn't taste of charcoal briquettes, which is more than some can claim. [england.]